The Foreign Kid (part 1).

I vaguely remember the first time we landed Heathrow. All i remember was the long queue at the airport, my tired legs and hunger pangs. I was exhausted!

We were to spend some time living with my aunt Mary. Aunt Mary is mummy’s friend, they go way back. They’re both nurses, and ambitious ones. Off we journeyed through the night until we got to aunt Mary’s house, somewhere in east London. Welcomed with fried rice, turkey, plantain, grapes and drinks I’d never drank, i must say i was impressed!. If this is what the relocation has to offer, i dont mind missing childhood friends. Brought up with the strictest of parents its no surprise we where indoors for 3 days without sight seeing, until Aunt Mary asked if i wanted to accompany her to the market.

Fried-Rice-Chicken-and-Plantain

“Stay by my side” she said,¬† “You have to be careful with these people, you dont want to get stabbed”. That was the most absurd thing i’d heard, i thought to myself why would anyone want to stab me? these grown ups can be too paranoid and critical, im in a different country and i choose to be open minded. I’d watched too many Hanna-Montanna series and couldn’t wait to experience my UK version of it. She bought us some roadside chicken and chips for just a pound and made me keep another box of chicken and chips for my sister. As we walked through the streets around 3pm i’d seen girls like me returning from school in their uniforms, it felt like a different kind of home! i thought to myself i could fit right in easily!. Thinking back, i was too hasty to make such deductions.

 

 

The time I first moved out from home

 

img_20160913_172309862

LondonderryūüíĖ

It’s about 01:24 and currently unable to fall asleep. So many things happened to me within the past two months that earlier this year I wouldn’t believe would happen to me. Perhaps I’m still trying to soak the events in and understand what’s been happening to me. These events are a thing of joy and I’m grateful for them, what worries me is how unbelievable it seems. Psalm 126:1 says “When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed” I feel like I’m in a dream and might be awoken anytime soon but pray I will not.

I recently moved out of my parents house in order to further my education. Now this is something that might be a “norm” for most people, as in Dugh! That’s what you’re supposed to do. But not everyone is the same, not everyone goes through life the way you went through it, not everyone is as opportuned as you and not everyone has had the odds in their favour.

It’s been a week and three days since I finally moved and I haven’t slept properly, I cooked my first good food on Monday and that was jollof rice (a Nigerian delicacy) ūüėä, shared it with some of my house mates as I can be nice like thatūüėÉ, well I ate the jollof rice with coleslaw and it was great, then you ask what then had you been eating? Errm. . Cheerios, bread, cheese, juice, tea, biscuits and water, yea. The reason i had to cook a healthy meal before getting sick and malnourished.

 

You might ask how has life been since you moved? How are your house mates?

The truth is I don’t know, I’m still a bit confused and haven’t fully understood the concept other than I’m paying some twat a particular amount of my money every month. I thought moving out would mean freedom to do what you want (I mean I’m free to do what I want to some degree i e lay in bed till I genuinely need to get up) but it hasn’t, as I do not understand where I live in yet, im quite hesitant to put myself out there, what if where I go to is dangerous? What if the people I meet are insincere? How do I trust this environment? How do I trust it’s people?. Although I do consider myself a bit of an adventurer especially just out of curiosity, there’s just something about this place that doesn’t make me curious despite its beauty. Maybe I am wrong and later down the line I’ll update you with my new findings but until then stay tuned

How are my housemates? ¬† Boy!oh boy! I live with three guys, two are younger than me and one is older. I’m not gonna lie I was scared to my pants literally, the thought of rape was the first thing to come to mind, maybe because we’ve been programmed not to trust men , I still don’t to be fair, especially with the idea of men being praised for being a slut and then congratulated because they finally chose to “settle down” I see their species on a lower moral ground subconsciously, I don’t mean to, it just so happens, and it’ll take alot for a guy to earn my respect. Their cleanliness over a score of ten would be a five. Last night I encountered the grossest thing ever since I came in, did I mention these guys smoke alot! So I go to the toilet to use it and guess what my eyes had to feast on?! Cigarettes, cigarette shafts, ashes etc in the toilet,in the toilet! Omg!ūüė≠ I wanted to cry. I tried flushing it but it wasn’t flushing. Here’s me thinking”is this the life I’ve chosen to live” in a horrific manner, had to call the guy who did it to sort it out, thankfully it was sorted and I could use the toilet again. My friend says it’s better to live with guys than to live with girls, now I wouldn’t know much about living with girls except through boarding school life, but after last night Ill choose living with a girl over living with a guy.

Thank you for reading.If you have any horrific house mate experience and stories of your first time out of your parents house please comment below.

My First Break Up…with writing

images

first break up

For ¬†the many¬† Ex-Poets¬† I’ve¬† encountered,¬† or¬† ex-writers¬† I’ve¬† come¬† across,¬† I¬† questioned¬† why¬† they¬† stopped,¬† and¬† it¬† usually¬† goes¬† this¬† way;

“Well¬†, after¬† my¬† first¬† heart¬† break¬† I¬† lost¬† the¬† zeal¬† and¬† passion¬† for¬† it”

Well,¬† here¬† goes¬† my¬† first¬† heart¬† break¬† with writing…

A¬† thirteen¬† years¬† old¬† diffident¬† young¬† girl ¬†in¬† boarding¬† house¬†¬†who¬† had¬† managed¬† to¬† secure¬† two¬† best¬† friends¬† in¬† the¬† two¬† years¬† she¬† had¬† spent¬† in¬† the ¬†school,¬† she¬† was¬† so¬† reserved¬† not¬† because¬† she¬† didn’t¬† want¬†¬† to¬†¬† be¬† outgoing, in¬† fact¬†¬†¬†she ¬†was ¬†one¬† of¬† the¬† most¬† outgoing¬† person’s¬† you’ll¬† ever¬† meet¬† ironically,¬† but,¬† she ¬†was ¬†one¬† to¬† choose¬† her¬† friends¬† very¬† carefully¬† and¬† carelessly¬† places¬† anybody¬† else¬† on¬† the¬† throne¬† of¬†¬† acquaintance,¬† with¬†¬† each¬† passing¬† day¬† she¬† loved¬†¬†her¬† friends¬† more¬†¬†and¬†¬† their¬† bond¬† grew¬† stronger¬† and¬† stronger…¬† or¬† so¬† she¬†¬†thought…

26e575dd9c0c729220d59e4d7a0df5f2.jpg

Melmade art : three girls praying

 

The¬† passion¬† within¬† her¬† for¬† a¬† true¬† relationship¬† just¬† begun¬† to¬† grow,¬† it¬† was¬†¬†like ¬†the¬† first¬† strike¬† of¬†¬† a¬† match¬† stick¬† against¬† a¬† match¬† box.¬† She¬† makes¬† only¬† true¬† and¬† genuine¬† friends¬† and¬† with¬† the¬† out¬† pour¬† of¬† love¬† she¬† started¬† writing. she ¬†wrote¬† love¬† letters¬† to¬† her¬† friends¬† which¬† were¬† girls¬† by¬† the¬† way, and¬† no!¬† she¬† wasn’t¬† a¬† lesbian. Whatever¬† she¬† loved¬† she¬† loved¬† deeply,¬† male,¬† female,¬† dog,¬† cat,¬† whatever¬† you¬† may¬† be! ¬†once¬† she¬† had¬† her¬† eyes¬† on¬† you¬† and¬† you¬† gave her¬† the¬† slightest¬† encouragement¬† or¬† you¬† proved¬† how¬† loyal¬† you¬† could¬† be¬† to¬† her,¬† she¬† wasn’t¬† letting¬† you¬† go.

People¬† stole¬† her diary¬† just¬† to¬† see¬† what¬† was¬† written about¬† them,¬† then¬† returned¬† it¬† back to¬† her¬† box¬† unidentified,¬† gradually¬† her¬† desire¬† to¬† keep¬† writing¬† started¬† dwindling¬† for¬† though¬† she¬† loved¬† to¬† write¬† beautiful¬† things¬† about¬† her¬† friends,¬† she wasn’t¬† one¬† for¬† an¬† open¬† display¬† of¬† love¬†, except¬† it¬† had¬† been¬† done¬† a¬† thousand¬† times¬† to¬† her¬† first.¬† Acquaintances¬† started¬† demanding¬† for¬† their¬† fair¬† share¬† of¬† letters,¬†¬†her¬† two¬† best¬† friends¬† suddenly¬† started¬† getting¬† further¬† from¬† her…Literarily,¬† perhaps¬† because¬† they¬† had¬† grown¬† taller¬† there¬† was¬† no¬† point¬† hanging¬† out¬† with¬† her,¬† perhaps¬† because¬† she¬†¬†was¬† now¬† popular¬† for¬† being¬† a¬† shy/ gentle¬† girl¬† which¬† they¬† knew¬†¬†she¬† wasn’t¬† because¬† they¬† were close¬† to¬† her,¬† perhaps¬† because¬† she¬† was¬† now¬† most¬† teachers¬† favourite,¬† or¬† she¬† passed¬† exams¬† she¬† didn’t even¬† read¬† for¬† and¬† have¬† a¬† note¬† for (..long story…had¬† a¬† scary¬† secret¬† obsessive admirer¬† who always¬† vandalised¬†¬†her¬† note¬† books writing¬† love letters¬† all over¬† the¬† pages¬† Boldly!,¬† couldn’t¬† report¬† to¬† the¬† teachers¬† because¬† it¬† was¬† a¬† strict¬†¬†religious weird¬† school,= Nobody¬† would¬† believe¬† you¬† were the¬† victim).

Well¬† she¬† couldn’t¬† tell¬† why¬† they¬† suddenly¬† stopped¬† being¬† close,¬† and¬† even¬† after¬† the¬† year’s¬† session¬† they¬† tried¬† rekindling¬† their¬† friendship¬† but¬† it ¬†just¬† wasn’t¬† the¬† same.¬† They¬† were¬† now¬† better¬† apart.¬† There¬† was¬† no¬† fuel¬† to¬† keep¬† the¬† desire¬† to¬† write¬† burning¬† and¬† writing¬† gradually¬† waned¬† off.

 

…And¬† that¬† was¬† her/my¬† first¬† heart¬† break¬† ūüėĬ† and¬† my¬† first break up with writing. Do comment below your first heartbreak!

Formation

201031map003

Nigerian art

It is formation not damnation

Unless confusion is your circus and your real appellation

Be it Bey, Nicki, Kanye or Rhi-rhi

Each with a sword a double edged sword

The one which uses words that you and I can also reword.

Absurdity, insanity, profanity at its highest peak

Formation, evolution, generation, inception, the list goes on and on…

You choose to see the bad? I choose to see the good

Beyonce-and-followers-in-V-formation-670x473

 

Guile

IMG-20160119-WA0000

electric candles     Photograph: Tobi Adebisi.

There are a few things in life I legit get irritated by, one of which are things that are unreal but appear to be real, hypocrisy and deceit.

Now I by no means intend to throw shades¬†at anyone since I myself can be guilty of this. but sometimes it just gets on your last nerves!!!. There’s a saying “fake it till you make it” not “make it with fakery” .¬† From human like dolls, to synthetic plants, candles and even human behaviour.

I saw this beautifully manufactured battery powered candle  serving its purpose producing light which should be a beautiful, wonderful thing, I took time to get inspiration from it but lord help me all I felt was rage against deceit.

Now i would think i knew the difference between truth and deceit,
but with time i realise it is one in the same. A constant grey of everyone’s fluctuating perceptions of trying to obtain the things they want

When everything’s disguised
It becomes an arduous task
Defining reality through veneer
One does not know the reality
Which appearance to believe
Mirrored are the duplicity
One sees the fabricated image
Disguised we become to ourselves
Till it becomes a reality, we live with

 

Proclivity

maleficentet2

Proclivity – a tendency to choose or do something regularly; an inclination or predisposition towards a particular thing

Its one of those times you get that feeling of uneasiness, no not uneasiness distress! suffering from extreme anxiety, sorrow, pain about something you cant place your finger on, or can¬†you not? I think just collective random disappointments that has happened through the course of your life, You’re not sure where you’re from not sure where you are and also not sure of where you’re going. Its like every bad scene that happened to you since birth keep replaying itself in your memory the¬†cure to calm this feeling doesn’t seem to¬†burgeon.

Emotions swinging like a pendulum, just played¬†“pick the world up” by Eminem ft. Lil’wayne thinking about all the horrible people I’ve encountered in life,¬†not sure of¬†what next I’ll feel.

Actually not sure of anything, everything seeming to be against you, the perturb-ulence doesn’t seem to match your composed demeanour. At this point, if time travel were possible it’ll be the closest thing to cure at the moment, perhaps go back to a time where nobody in this generation was born, or to the future where certain laws and prejudice are not in place.

As William Shakespeare once said :

Hell is empty and all the devils are here,  Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

Perhaps therein lies the solution to the problem I seek to annihilate, until then the poem ;

Fear no more the frown of the great, Thou art past the tyrant’s stroke: Care no more to clothe and eat; To thee the reed is as the oak: The sceptre, learning, physic, must All follow this, and come to dust. Fear no more the lightning-flash, Nor the all-dread thunder-stone; Fear not slander, censure rash; Thou hast finished joy and moan; All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to dust. No exorciser harm thee! Nor no witchcraft charm thee!Ghost unlaid forbear thee! Nothing ill come near thee! Quiet consummation have; And renowned be thy grave. -William Shakespeare

has seem to calm this proclivity as I play Once upon a dream by Lana del Rey